Absence

I've largely been absent at Cabin Life for the last two weeks. Every morning I sit down at the keyboard to check the weather, read e-mail, and maybe do a little homework. I log onto blogger and draw a blank. So hold on for a long ride as I cover two agenda items today: 1. EllieRichellie Label Jam results, and 2. Reflection.

First things first: Everyone gets jam. I took the entries to not less than three different audiences - family and strangers alike - and no clear winner could be determined. So, with an unanticipated nod to absolutism, I will use them all at my own discretion, but happily send jam packages to Jessie, Jamie, Mardy, and Kate.

Now for the reflection. I got in the Miscellaneous Baking Stuff drawer this morning to locate walnuts for our banana pancakes, and found this stash of empty wrappers. A little like an alcoholic who awakens from a drunken stupor to find six or eight empty gin bottles on the bathroom floor, I guiltily knew I had eaten all of this chocolate.

I don't usually apply the word "stress" to my life - it's overused and underappreciated. Not only that, but I don't really have anything to be "stressed" about -I am not a combat field nurse, or the mother of eight, or a boardmember at the Federal Reserve. But from time to time I feel the full weight of my chosen station: mom, wife, taxpayer, student, dreamer. That's when I turn to the Green & Black, munching away in the Cabin kitchen like a chain smoker in her car on a lunch break. I don't much feel like blogging on the chocolate days. I don't want to admit that I am thinking about whether or not we're going to buy a house this year and where. Or how much the girls' world will change when I am a full-time graduate student this fall. Or that I am addicted to the book Lords of Finance, but it is making me freak out about long term interest rates and unemployment. Or that Caroline has started growth hormone therapy that costs more annually than a compact car. Or that my husband works so much some weeks that he gets lost on his way home from the office.

I may choose less, but not less-like-Ted-Kazinsky: my Cabin is still in the real world. The real world currently presents this family with a lot of very big decisions. I get into my own head. I think that my silence here is because I am still reconciling my recent real world concerns (weighty, though not necessarily a source of discontent) with a crafty, bloggy Cabin Life persona that I would like to be here.

ERB